Embered Embrace

Content Note:

This poem contains vivid imagery of self-harm and suicidal thoughts, written from the perspective of one who has walked to the edge and chosen life in Christ. If you are in despair, please reach out for help — you are not alone. In the United States, call or text 988.

This piece was born in the depths of night when the weight felt unendurable. It is the cry of a soul pressed hard against despair, and the song of one who found the strength to rise again by the flame of the Holy Spirit.

Clinical, surgical — straight blade sharpened true,

Razored peak pressed to flesh, warm with life’s blood.

A sting, covering parts so easily split,

Forearms flooding crimson,

Pooling on the cold vinyl floor,

Warmth escaping in silence,

Legacy leaking away.

These abuses, these uses,

Carried in the marrow of memory,

The mirror hides the lie

That everything is fine,

That hope still walks the night.

Eyes heavy, I slide to the floor,

Fallen from grace toward grave,

Not acted, but fantasized.

Escape tempts from the desolation of bone,

Sorrow sings its morrow-beauty from a caged throat.

Wings clipped, stole spun,

Only the knowledge — we are One,

Stays my hand from paying delusion’s toll.

Perseverance in sorrow, hope in faith,

Arms empty of warmth, love’s home outwardly.

Fallen smiles melt into fogged yesterdays,

I trickle down into mists of vanished moments.

I cry and wail, rage, and still,

I rise. I prevail.

I spit in death’s eye

And clutch life’s defiance in these battered hands.

The temple will stand,

Bruised timber wrapped in flesh,

To decry love stripped of desire,

Alive for living’s sake,

Because He lives in me.

I will not collapse.

I will not die.

I will not go gentle into that dark night.

I will rage and praise,

Empty hands lifted to Him who dwells on high.

I will hold Him in my living temple

That breathes, that sighs.

My praise will be my victory,

The enemy-defying word.

Shush, soul — tormented in shallow grave.

You will not speak the last word,

Nor write my purpose.

I belong to the One who calls me beloved.

Crushed, I abide.

Eternally in the embered embrace

Of the Spirit’s lit flame.

So my Love, who loves me,

Light me on fire.

Glory the blaze

In Your name