Hugging Porcupines

Some people are like porcupines — hard to hug, yet in need of love all the same.

Sometimes those we love cannot love us back. That doesn’t mean they are undeserving of love. It means they may be unable to show it the way we crave. Porcupine partners need love just like the rest.

What is a porcupine in this sense? It is someone who is hard to love, or someone we love but who cannot reciprocate in the way our souls hunger for. It could be a spouse who plays the role society expects but with no depth of intimacy. It could be a father lost in a fever dream of a fictitious childhood, hurting all who draw near.

We all have porcupines in our lives. Sometimes the only option is to walk away, and I will never advise against that. But often there is another way. The porcupine cannot help that it hurts when held. So too these people cannot help that their words sting or that their bitterness cuts. For me, the answer has been boundaries. I set them within myself first, and then I enforced them in every encounter. I did not let them dictate the terms of engagement, nor did I let their hatred smother my love. To love a porcupine, you must approach them as they are, give what you can, and guard what matters.

Why even bother once you know what they are? Because it nourishes the soul. It teaches us things about ourselves we would otherwise miss, for they are our mirrors. It’s not just parents — sometimes entire family systems are steeped in brokenness. And yet, it is Christlike to bear witness through our actions, to make love tangible even to those who have only faked it. It is for blessing that we bless.

Porcupines are in need of love more than anyone else. It costs us something to give to those who cannot give in return. It may never be popular, but it is the way of Love. If we desire Love, we must embody Love.

The reality is this: you must hold clear expectations in your own heart. You must be willing to accept that your love may be its own reward in this life — yet it becomes treasure in the life to come. On this side of eternity you may never hear reconciliation, or even a sorry. Still, we do it for the sake of our own souls, and unto Him.

As always Dust,

To you,

For you,

From Him,

In Me,

If this resonated with you, please share it onward with a discerning soul in need.